“A lot of what you do in mentoring you should do as a manager anyway.”
The cornerstone of International Women’s Day is celebrating women’s achievements and forging female equality. It is also about encouraging women to achieve their goals and not be held back by lack of information or knowledge. This is easier said than done. However, one way to help navigate any challenges to reaching goals is through Mentoring.
It’s a well-used word, but what does it mean? A mentor is an experienced person who can help develop your skills and knowledge to allow you to see the broader picture.
For Hayley, a Wing Commander in Resources & Plans, Mentoring was a game changer. The experience gained was supportive and empowering. It gave an opportunity to talk openly to someone else about work and the balance with personal life.
“There is a distinction between mentoring & Coaching. Coaching is a more structured approach focussed on developing specific skills – like a toolkit or a set of approaches to a problem. Mentoring is a more informal approach to support the individual…it’s about listening….asking questions….Helping the mentee to see the bigger picture.”
So how does it work? Mentoring is designed to give a safe place to talk through options or ideas. It is not about telling the individual what to do. It is about offering signposts.
“Here you are at a junction with a couple of options. If you did A or B, what would it look like? As a mentee I liked the idea of having someone to bounce ideas off and start to walk down and explore those pathways,” said Hayley, enthusiastically.
From experience, the Wing Commander believes two ingredients are essential for Mentoring success – “A mentoring contract is important to set the boundaries on what each party wants to gain from the sessions with the intent of developing a bond of mutual respect. It is two-way.”
After being mentored herself, Hayley was keen to put something back and help others. Now she mentors three other females at various points in their careers. Advice required for junior staff is very different to that offered to a more senior person. Her own mentoring sessions have followed this pattern.
“As a junior officer myself I was looking for particular approaches to complete a task or tackle a situation. I could drill down and exact answers from my mentor. Fast forward to where I am now, and I tend to use my sessions to ask, ‘am I missing something here...Or...how would a senior officer respond to that?’”
Taking on the role of mentor should never be taken lightly – “It can be draining. There is a little bit of yourself that you give…you need to have the energy and be mentally in the right place,” said Hayley candidly. The rewards, however, can be tangible.
“With one mentee I saw her confidence increase. I could see she had potential. She just didn’t believe in herself. Mentoring can be about giving that person a nudge to say try something out. A lot of what you do in mentoring you should do as a manager anyway. I don’t believe I gave her confidence. She just rediscovered what was already there.”
Hayley believes that good mentoring requires excellent listening skills, the ability to empathise – taking your own filters off – and putting the mentee first.
Arguably, life experience shapes who you are as a person. For Hayley, becoming a mother was one of the biggest changes to accept as she believed it changed her as a person and how she felt about the world. With two additional people to consider, her own perspectives altered - “you have to accept that people have different priorities in life,” said the Wing Commander, reflectively. But with the challenges of balancing parenting, Hayley firmly believes that this should not hold anyone back in taking an active role in their careers or having ambitions.
“It was my ambition to get promoted and gain recognition. I had been sub-ordinate to more senior officers and I thought I could do that job. It is within my ability,” commented Hayley.
Mentoring, for the Wing Commander can help deliver those aspirations, and having female role models is crucial;
“It shows people there is a way forward…a way through. The representation of women in senior ranks is really important.”
What advice would Hayley give to a woman to be her best?
“Not sure it would be different to any gender identification. But trust yourself. Trust your inner voice, your confidence. Find a support network, a gender network, a diversity one, or a mentor. The RAF has a lot to offer with regards to support. It is good to have a person you can speak to.”
Hayley is one of the most self-assured people I have ever met. She is comfortable in herself, a thinker with a wry sense of humour who is at her best when talking freely and openly to people. She is a strong woman, progressing through life in her own way, never feeling the need to compromise or change to fit an ideal.
“I hope that women do not feel they have to behave more masculine in order to progress. That is definitely not the way. Be authentic and congruent with your values. Be yourself.”
Could you be a mentor? Check out the Tedder Academy of Leadership for more information:
RAF MentorMe: For the Whole Force (sharepoint.com)
